she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
