I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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