guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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