dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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