After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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