I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
