WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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