You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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