I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
