The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
