No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize