I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
