If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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