therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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