We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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