we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize