just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
