mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
