I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
