i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
