I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
