Your face is a jimmy john
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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