her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
