well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
