yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
