Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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