I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
ok first of all what the fuck
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
