I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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