i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
