If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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