Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
