I heard we made out
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Text me some of your sweat
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize