my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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