Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
