I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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