I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
