You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
