Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
