The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
