escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
