if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
