im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
