Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
