I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
