Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
