I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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