YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
