she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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