and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
