I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
