ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
