The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
