currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
