When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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