Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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