maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
