I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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