bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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