SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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