I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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