u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
