i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize