I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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