white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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