Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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