Whod you bang
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
