fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
