she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
