Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
They are going to name an STD after you.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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