There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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