Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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