i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
