It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
