(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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