He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
