Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
