3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
