We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
