help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
