I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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