Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
