i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Randomize
