You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
