i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
