I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
