I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
the day after is always just damage control
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
