we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
