need another drink. this is the easiest way
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
