i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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