a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
