This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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