she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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