That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize