I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
