Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
pray to the hookup gods
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
